The Courage to Cut Toxic Ties

The Complex Journey of Cutting Someone Off: A Personal Reflection

Welcome back to another episode of Taking Up Space. I’m your host, Jordan, a certified life coach here to share stories that inspire and support you on your own journey. Today, we’re diving into a difficult but essential part of self-discovery: knowing when it’s time to cut someone off.

The Decision to Cut Someone Off

The decision to cut someone off isn’t straightforward. It’s complex and layered, usually stemming from a series of incidents rather than a single event. In this episode, I’ll share my own story of cutting a caregiver out of my life, exploring the emotional challenges, coping mechanisms, and positive impacts of this decision.

My Personal Experience

The person I cut off was my step-father, who acted as my father figure for most of my life. He wasn’t kind, empathetic, or supportive. Instead, he embodied many negative stereotypes of a step-parent. Despite this, as a child, I sought his approval and affection.

Baby me around the age of two <3

Over time, I realized he wasn’t a father figure but more of a dictator. This realization led me to isolate myself from my immediate family, who I felt supported him. When I went away to college, I began a “soft launch” of cutting him out, but guilt brought me back into limited contact.

Therapy played a crucial role in helping me understand my emotions and the validity of my feelings. Despite attempts to mend our relationship, it became clear that he wasn’t capable of being the father figure I needed. His behavior during a significant family event solidified my decision to cut him off permanently.

Influences on the Decision

When deciding to cut someone off, it’s essential to consider a few critical questions:

Does this relationship fill me up?

Are they a positive influence on you?

Are they just a crisis person?

These questions helped me realize that my step-father wasn’t beneficial to my well-being. He was a negative influence, and our relationship was draining and one-sided.

Emotional Challenges

Cutting off a family member, especially a parental figure, brings a slew of emotions. Feelings of abandonment, unworthiness, and guilt are common. Journaling, mindfulness, and therapy can help manage these emotions. It’s also crucial to establish a support system and set clear boundaries.

Moving Forward

Moving forward involves developing coping mechanisms such as journaling, seeking therapy, finding a support system, practicing self-care, and setting boundaries. Forgiveness, though challenging, can also be a healing step. It’s important to remember that forgiveness is more for your benefit than theirs.

Reflection

If you’re contemplating cutting someone off, know that you’re not alone. Estrangement is more common than you might think, and it doesn’t mean you’re broken. Trust yourself and your decision-making process. By protecting yourself, you’re prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being.

Cutting someone off is never easy, but it can lead to a healthier, more fulfilling life. Surround yourself with supportive individuals, seek professional help if needed, and remember to honor your feelings throughout the process.

Thank you for joining me in this episode. Remember to subscribe and share the podcast with your friends and loved ones. Your support means the world to me. Keep sharing your thoughts and stories; they help shape this space where we can all grow and learn together.